just tell him i said nine months
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
