Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
