she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
