I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
