Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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