I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
