i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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