I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
