ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
