so explain again why im purple
no
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
