You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
