it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
