Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
