dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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