It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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