Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
