How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
