I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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