I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
