remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Come see our sink grown plant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
