Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
