Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
