I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
