pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
