I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize