Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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