What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I checked into jail on foursquare
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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