Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
two words: eviction party
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
