I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
