I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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