I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
