I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
