Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
