Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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