Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
