I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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