Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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