oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
