The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
