just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
