I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
