You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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