she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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