1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
