i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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