We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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