I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
