even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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