you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
