So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
