Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
